


can't fight this feeling

by loserlesbian



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Castle Byers (Stranger Things), Gay Will Byers, M/M, POV Will Byers, Sad Will Byers, Unrequited Love, Will Byers Needs a Hug, Will Byers-centric, or not you can decide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25063531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loserlesbian/pseuds/loserlesbian
Summary: "Mike’s words echoed in his head. It’s not my fault you don’t like girls. Will choked back a sob, clenching his eyes shut for a second. He shook his head and wrenched his eyes open. His wet hair was plastered to his face, joining the tears that were also obscuring his vision. The world around him seemed like it was spinning off its axis. How could Mike say that? Will knew Mike was upset; hell, he was too. They always say things they don’t mean when arguing, but something inside of Will said that Mike meant this. That he knew."What was going on in Will's head during the destruction of Castle Byers.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	can't fight this feeling

**Author's Note:**

> hello! so in honor of the anniversary of one year since stranger things 3 came out (and definitely not anything else what?), i decided to post this short fic that i wrote back when season 3 came out. i'm not super into the st fandom so.... please be nice 
> 
> i hope you enjoy!
> 
> title from the song "i can't fight this feeling" by REO speedwagon cause it reminds me of will

He just wanted to play some DnD.

Ever since Will came from the Upside Down, things have been different. Ever since his mother freed him from the clutches of the Mind Flayer, things have been different. All his friends seemed to have grown up, leaving Will behind in the dust. Mike has El, Lucas has Max (even if they are dancing some weird on-again off-again dance), and Dustin has no shame in sharing his feelings toward other girls in their classes. 

But Will? 

He just… doesn’t _get_ it. He doesn’t _get_ the whole dating appeal. What was so fun about going out with some girl and feeling obligated to kiss her? Every time he thought about kissing a girl or holding hands with a girl or just _being alone_ with a girl, Will’s stomach churned with discomfort. 

He knew there was something wrong with him. There had to be, right? What kind of teenage boy doesn’t want to date a girl? What kind of boy would rather spend the night playing arcade games with his best friend than watching a movie with a cute girl?

There was something sitting at the back of his mind, something that would explain his feelings, but every time that word entered his mind he quickly shoved that thought back out. Because why the hell would he allow himself to even exercise that thought when he knew how everybody felt about people like that. He remembered the things his father would call him, the things the bullies at school laughed at him for. If he was that horrible, ugly thing everyone thought he was, then that would mean they were right this whole time. And then that would mean that Will was broken and disgusting and… and…

Queer.

And he just wanted to sit in Mike’s basement and play DnD with his friends, but now Mike and Lucas are too obsessed with their girlfriends (ex-girlfriends?) to care about Will’s feelings and Dustin has been MIA all day and Will just wants things to go back to the way they were before. Before the Upside Down, before Mike was with Eleven, before his friends stopped caring about him.

A part of Will told him that that wasn’t true, and his friends did still care about him, but they are growing up now. They don’t want to play DnD all day, they want to experience life and girls and all that other teenage bullshit. But Will didn’t want to grow up just yet. Growing up meant leaving behind your childhood, and leaving behind your childhood meant understanding that you’re _not_ like your friends and you’re _not_ normal. Growing up meant realizing that you’re gay and you’d rather kiss your best friend then any girl you’ve ever met.

Will wasn’t ready to admit that just yet.

He pedaled his bike faster. The rain fell harder around him, drenching his whole body and getting in his eyes, but he didn’t care. It would just mix in with the tears, and Will could say it was from the rain so his mom wouldn’t worry about him. 

Mike’s words echoed in his head. _It’s not my fault you don’t like girls._ Will choked back a sob, clenching his eyes shut for a second. He shook his head and wrenched his eyes open. His wet hair was plastered to his face, joining the tears that were also obscuring his vision. The world around him seemed like it was spinning off its axis. How could Mike say that? Will knew Mike was upset; hell, he was too. They always say things they don’t mean when arguing, but something inside of Will said that Mike meant this. That he _knew_. 

The bullies at school seemed to know. His father knew. Why would it be any different for Mike, someone he’s known for practically his whole life? 

Will jerked his bike, riding into the trees surrounding his house. He pedaled hard, pushing his bike through the wet leaves and grass below him. Will’s bike skidded to a stop, and he hastily jumped off. His bike fell, splashing into the muddy ground. 

The tears were still falling heavily, his shoulders shaking from the weight of his sobs. He reached out blindly, searching for the sturdy sticks that held up his safespace. Castle Byers. 

Will collapsed onto the floor of Castle Byers, crawling to the pillows in the corner of the fort. He brought his legs to his chest, and buried his face in his knees. There he sat, sobbing for what felt like years.

He replayed those eight words in his head like a mantra. The weight of these past few days, weeks, _months_ came crashing down around him. His friends ignoring him for their girlfriends. Dustin, the only other party member who wanted to play with him, leaving for camp, leaving Will alone with their girl-obsessed friends. Will doesn’t even remember the last time the four of them completed a full campaign. The girls were too big a distraction.

The girls. The goddamn girls.

It wasn’t that Will disliked them, in fact he really liked both of them. Max was funny and witty and doesn’t take shit from any of the other boys. She constantly is proving Will wrong about things girls can and cannot do. And El… El was quiet like Will, but she has an infectious laugh and was extremely curious about everything the guys did. Will found it refreshing to see such an innocent personality (though he knew she was anything but innocent), someone with such wonder and amazement toward the world around them. Will could see why Mike liked her so much.

He didn’t mean what he said about El. Will knew she wasn’t stupid; she literally saved his life these past two years. He was just upset that she was keeping Mike from him. 

Will shook his head, gripping his hair in his hands. Yes, it sounded selfish, Will knew it did. But how could he blame him? Will treasured his time with his friends, especially his time with Mike. There was something about him that made Will’s heart flutter and stomach flip in the most enjoyable way when he was around Mike. It’s been like that for years, and Will had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind as to why he felt the way he did around Mike, but he constantly pushed that thought away and just let himself feel it. The feeling was nice. He tried to never think twice of it, ashamed of the way he felt toward his best friend.

The girls were great, and Will didn’t blame them for ruining the party. He blamed Mike and Lucas. But mostly Mike.

Will sniffed and sat up. He roughly rubbed his eyes clean of any remaining tears. Glancing around the fort, Will searched for something to do, something to take his mind off of the feelings of anger toward Mike, and feelings of hatred toward himself. 

He grabbed a random comic from his stack by his feet, but he couldn’t focus on any of the words. Instead, his eyes caught onto one of the illustrations in the comic as he flipped through it. As he took it in, he realized that this particular comic was given to him by Mike, and Will’s eyes filled with fresh tears. 

He threw the comic to the floor, and looked in front of him. There, perfectly in his line of sight, was a photograph of the four of them on Halloween last year. They had been so excited to wear their Ghostbusters costumes, and Will had silently applauded himself for coming up with the idea. 

Now, the picture was just a disappointing reminder of what could have been, of what it had been, until Mike and Lucas became distracted.

With careful, shaky hands, Will picked up the photograph. Tears threatened to spill yet again, and he whispered to himself, “stupid. So stupid.” 

Tears came down thick and heavy now as he ripped the photograph in half, still muttering to himself about how stupid this was. Him, his friends, Mike, El… Will’s obvious brokenness… just everything. Everything was so, so _stupid_. 

He threw the picture down. His mind went into overdrive as he ripped his drawings to the ground like his arms had a mind of its own. He knocked down little trinkets and papers and anything that reminded him of his _childish_ desires. Anything that reminded him of how much of a screw up he was for wanting to remain a kid for as long as possible. Anything that reminded him of Mike.

Will was breathing heavy once he ripped apart everything surrounding him, but he was still high on adrenaline and self pity. Out of the corner of his eye, Will spotted his old baseball bat that his dad bought for him in hopes that he would take up something manly instead of playing his “nerdy games” and drawing his “fucking fairy bullshit”. Will took a shaky breath, and grabbed the bat. He scrambled out of Castle Byers, and took a good look at it before swinging the bat over his head and bringing it down onto the sticks that held up what had been his safe space for so long.

It wasn’t anymore. How could it be? Mike was right, it was time to grow up.

Swing after swing, Will destroyed Castle Byers. He destroyed his safe space. He destroyed his childhood.

“Fuck!” Will grunted angrily. He dropped to his knees, tears streaming down his face. The bat rolled helplessly away from him. 

He just wanted to play some DnD.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! check out my tumblr if you want, all-dead-rock-show. i mostly post about reddie, but there's an occasional stranger things post here and there.


End file.
